A Message from the Director

Hello, Loyal Readers!

I am pleased to report that our first half year of operations has been a smashing success. Before opening our doors on the Dudding Institue last November, we predicted that our staff would manage to break at least half of our expensive lab equipment in the first six months, and they have surpassed all of our expectations by rendered nearly 90% of the orignal equipment inoperational.

Even so, despite working with a lot of broken equipment and the early round of petty theft of office supplies (which we notice fell off sharply after we started spraying the E. Bola virus on the staplers still in our supply closet), we have made some tremendous breakthroughs in the fight against common stupidity. Have you noticed, for instance, that medical shows have suddenly become more popular on TV than reality shows? We'd like to think that we had something to do with that, after all, we here at the DISS like to believe a lot of things that make us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Furthermore, have you noticed how the price of gasoline has gone out of sight? Sure you have. We assure you we did not have anything to do with that (and if we did, we have sent our appologies to all the government officals who threatened to cut our funding in the next fiscal year.)

And oh, congratuations to Hilda Beavermire of Chipperwha, ND, for collecting the most actual cogs in our "Collect the Cogs" contest. For her efforts, we have sent her a gift certificate for a gross (124!) of widgets from Wally's World of Widgets. (A side message to other potential corporate sponsers -- get in on our next contest early! If, say, someone from Ford would offer us a free car to give away in our contest, we can guarantee that it won't be something like a "Collect the Hondas" contest.)

Now, for the new trivia contest question: Contrary to popular belief, George Washington's teeth were not made from wood. What wood were they not made out of? If you think you know, email us at director@dudding.net.

Summer is coming. Keep Cool.

The Procrastinator's clinic that was to be held last winter has been indefinately postponed. We'll update this if we ever learn what's going on.

Til Next Time,

Don Dudding